Text and Hubris

I have my lesson for the week: finish what you start!

This week I started work on a University project that seems right on target with something I would want to do. The organization seems pretty solid. I wish I had a bit more direction in what it was they wanted from me but I will hash that out as my time there progresses. I’ve only been there three days and I already feel like I should have produced something. Instead, all I have is scattered notes and a lot more questions than answers. Odds are, that isn’t unusual. That doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

The most frustrating part of the whole procedure is the fact that it looks like I will be repeating a lot of work that was already done before. I find snippets and pieces of attempted code everywhere. Most are from people who are now long gone and who never completed what they started. Now, I won’t be working on this project forever. I know that. I’m also not going to up and leave something half done. I will provide documentation and hand-off. I will make sure what I do is commented and ready for whoever takes my place.
I will finish what I start. I don’t want to leave a trail of unfinished ideas behind me. I’ve done that too much in my life. Dreaming is great. Doing is better. To follow through on what you set out to do – to actually finish it – that is the real goal, though. I need to remember that.

I think we all do.

I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. I went through all the work to get the job and they were kind enough to hire me so I guess I better head in. Yep, on Monday, I return to the work force. Well, on a part-time basis at least. For four hours a day, I will slave away on web code and library research. I know, it sounds like hell doesn’t it?

Ah, who am I kidding? It’s exactly the type of job I was looking for. It fits my school schedule, gives back to the world at large and uses skills that I love to use. If the money was better it would be my dream job. As it is, it is the best fit for what I need right now and that is rather nice. Honestly, I am looking forward to going in on Monday. It should be an interesting experience all around.

So, work is handled. School is pretty much settled for fall and I think Courtney and I have figured out our budget for the year. It still surprises me. I know I worked like hell to make it this way but everything is starting to fall into place. Oh, I am sure there will be surprises ahead but there is a real feeling that what we’re doing is right in all sense of the word. I like that.

My writing is the only thing that really suffered over this time period. i just haven’t had the time I wanted to sit and write and when I did, I was too tied up thinking about what had to be done. It wasn’t the best situation for a creative enterprise. It’s also something that I am going to need to figure out how to work through in the future. After all, things happen, that doesn’t mean I can stop writing.

I was able to get another poem out last night. It was a departure from my usual fare and I find that I am still questioning my voice and my genre. Amazon’s little deal with Wylie was horrifying, especially to someone who wants to believe and write in the new media and digital space. Those of us who came here first did so with a sort of egalitarian ideal. This was open space and territory was ripe for the picking. We forgot that the ideals of enclosure were never really done away with and all that was needed was for a company, like Amazon, to set itself up as the sole proprietor. In one move the works of several incredible authors has been locked away behind the walls of a plastic toy. Even then, we have been shown that, at any time, those authors can be plucked away on a whim. It’s a frightening concept to say the least and almost enough to push me solely into print.

It’s sad because we have here, in this interconnectivity, a chance to recreate the storytellers’ circle. We can share stories and poems. We can relate in ways that we couldn’t before and that is exciting. Narrative and poetry can flow, merge and can be shaped by the tellers and the circle. That should be astounding and every author in the world should be grinning at the thought of such a possibility. Instead, the best example of this is an advertising commercial for Old Spice. Really? I mean really? Doesn’t that embarrass anyone, because it sure as hell embarrasses me. Yes, there is no doubt, those guys are geniuses. What that means is that our best talents in modern storytelling work in advertising. It’s not even enclosure at that point. It’s just the marketing of another product.

There has to be a voice for storytelling. People want to tell stories. They want to hear stories. I know that much. I still run a small Improvisational Storytelling Group every other Saturday. In a lot of ways, it’s no different from the tabletop RPG’s I used to run. The difference is that the players all are storytellers. We set the scene and we let it run. It becomes a shared experience. In the best example of this there is no guide, there is only the story. I watch people come away from this experience wanting more. There is a reason for this. Stories and poems feed something deep within the human psyche and no locked gates can keep that desire at bay.

Ah well, as I said, I was questioning my voice and genre but a resolution was found. The truth is, I couldn’t stop now even if I wanted to. This is a part of me that I hid for a very long time. It’s out now and I don’t think I know how to put it back.

And if I did, I never would…

If I have to read one more story about a mid-life crisis, the joy of an upper middle-class life or learning to love a husband or wife, I think I am going to go insane. When did our literature become the equivalent of a reality show? I understand that we are supposedly in the midst of nonfiction’s resurgence but the truth is the nonfiction out there is absolute crap.

What worries me is that we are beginning to see this self-indulgent nonfiction invade the fiction space and I just don’t think I care to deal with that. I like my fiction, oh I don’t know, fictional. I don’t really want to read narratives about the average person living their average life. Nor do I want to read authors waxing sentimental about their “ordinary” lives.

I am egotist. We all know this. I have a space online, one that I pay for, where I sit and pontificate. That requires a serious bit of ego. Hell, part of my job is to convince people to read what I write. Really, though, how truly narcissistic do you have to be to think that people actually want to read about your bullshit life, especially when your bullshit life is almost exactly the same as their bullshit life.

There was a time when I considered nonfiction. Now, I just want poetry and fiction. Give me the world of allegory, of mystery, a world that exists purely in the landscapes of the craziest authors out there. Show me difference, show me something new and maybe, just maybe, let me imagine how things might be different for better or for worse.

Heat

We spoke of id and ego while the world burned.
I woke to the heat. I felt it in me.
It was trapped between my skin and bones.
I was solid and melting. My body wept sweat.
And you mentioned Freud as you watched me
bury my head in a pillow, seeking to dry my skin
on the yellowed pillowcase and then defend my actions,
an innocent accused of innuendo.
Outside the silence sat and waited.
The sounds of the day, still muted in the heat,
escaped our attention. I lay back and let my skin
dissolve into the salty liquid that lay beneath.
I heard you laugh, then grow still
until only the silence remained.

Notes:
This is a short, rough, piece that was inspired by our weather today. It needs a lot of polishing but I promised to post more work or works in progress. Keep in mind that anything I post here is probably off-the-cuff and not something I would consider submitting. This is my scratch pad, of sorts, but it does give and idea of my work and my thoughts. Plus, we need more poetry and fiction out there. Preferably, off the web.

But that is my next project!

UPDATE: 7/14/2010 @ 1:30PM

I finally got a response back from support and I was able to log in. In all actuality, the response time from NCSoft wasn’t bad. Their fatal flaw was in their lack of communication. I went over 36 hours without an update after asking for one, twice. Now, they may have been working on it. They may have had to wait for something before they could resolve my issue. I wouldn’t have known as they didn’t communicate with me. If I had known I would have been far more forgiving. When you don’t talk to your users they tend to think you are ignoring them and that looks poorly on you.

That said, I do think NCSoft responded in a timely enough manner compared to my other customer service issues this last month.

Grades:
Initial Response Time: A
Overall Response Time: B-
Communication: C-
Overall (not an average): C

============

UPDATE: 7/13/2010 @ 11:04PM

One whole day without a peep from NCSoft and Guild Wars Support. I sent in two requests to the ticket looking for an update and received nothing. My ticket is lost and drifting much like the fans of Auto Assault and Tabula Rasa.

============

BACKGROUND

I bought Guild Wars on a whim last night. Court and I were bored and looking for something to play and we didn’t want to pay another monthly fee so I mentioned Guild Wars. I picked up the Trilogy from PlayNC directly which was more expensive but got me playing a bit quicker.

After buying the pack I went to apply my serial to an account. I was, given the option of upgrading an old trial account I had or starting a whole new account and I was thinking that I should just start a new account. That was when I read the NCSoft’s little tip on the bottom of the screen that told me it was smarter to upgrade an existing account. So, I followed their advice and upgraded my account.

I grabbed the client, installed, and a short while later I was looking at the login screen. That was when I discovered that, in the interest of security, I would need to enter my account name, password, and the name of a character on the account. Now, keep in mind, this was a trial account in which I probably just used a throwaway name. I ran through all of my regulars but none of them worked. The only reason I upgraded the account was because NCSoft suggested it. Perhaps, they could have also said: “Oh, by the way, don’t upgrade an account if you can’t remember your characters’ names because you will never be able to log in!” That tip would have been good to know. I went to the NCSoft’s support site and found that, sure enough, this is a problem they have had before. I went ahead and opened a ticket according to their specifications and sent it up. Happily, I received an update an hour later from GM Merrick telling me:

I am escalating your ticket to our Guild Wars senior staff members to assist you further. Once they have reviewed your question, one of them will contact you as soon as possible.

That was last night.

Since then, I have heard nothing. I don’t know about you but spending $40 on a game I can’t use makes me a little frustrated. I stayed positive, though, and sent a very polite request asking for an update.

Support Staff,

I am following up to see if there has been any progress on this ticket. I purchased a game key and used it to update a trial account that I had used for a short while six months ago. I was unaware of the Character Name requirement during login and have run through my usual combination of names without success.

If there is anything else you need from me to speed resolution of this ticket, please let me know.

Thank you

That was several hours ago and still nothing.

When I get back this evening, we’ll see if anything has changed. If not, I will update them and my little saga here. If I am going to be pissed off, I might as well make a game of it.