Text and Hubris

I am always hesitant to post personal posts online. I feel that they, at least a bit, too self-serving. That said, I want to follow this through. My life over the past several years has changed in a thousand ways and these posts serve as reminders and hints at who I was and what I thought along the way. My opinions and feelings may change. I know they have from previous years, but this is a story and I enjoy writing and sharing it. That said, it is personal and certainly not of interest to everyone. Enjoy as you will, or pass on by. I promise there will be more than enough for everyone here and if not, well the Internet is a big place. I am sure you can find something, somewhere.

To be fair, it’s been awhile since I have had time to sit down and write anything. I haven’t been idle, though, either. For most of the last month and half, I have been hell-bent on doing those basic things that life requires of us. I’ve been job hunting and Courtney and I have been trying to figure out where the next chapter in life will take us. Sometimes those choices are not as easy as they seem.

I interviewed for a fantastic job this last Thursday. It is a position that I would have killed for a year ago. It is with an educational institution and it is focused on building and developing network infrastructure. It is the type of job that I could have stayed with until I retired and still left feeling that I had made a difference. The pay was less than the corporate world but the schedule is far saner and the pressures aren’t nearly the same. In every way, I should be excited and hopeful.

I left the interview not nearly so hopeful as I was sad. I realized that I am not the same person I was a year ago. I will always be a technical person. I will always be someone who reads the manual and takes pride in his tech. I will always be a solutions architect, if only for myself, and I will always be aware of what is happening in the tech world. It’s a part of me. What I am realizing, though, is that my passion for technology is tinged by my love of language. I am a student of literature and words. I live for stories and communication. I am even, at times, a writer (I even got paid to be one – if only for a second.). I don’t think I can walk away from that. In fact, I am sure I can’t.

When I graduated last month, I aimed at entry-level positions that involved writing and tech and I was roundly rejected. I have too much experience and too little. Rather than rethinking and retooling, I panicked and I ran back to my safe zone. I ran back to technology. It was safe. It was easy. Why wouldn’t I do that?

I have had some good success too. I have three interviews lined up and several more companies I could apply to on the docket. But the truth, that pesky thing, the truth is that I gave up too quickly. I loved what I was doing. I loved everything about my life and my focus. For this last month and half I have been so far away from all of it and I have sorely missed it. It is not that I want to be a student, forever. We are all students for as long as we wish so that’s not really an issue. I have missed writing. I have missed building stories. I have missed working on those projects that helped others write and share.

Why? I ran away. I got scared. I’ve been running and hiding. It’s safer, but it isn’t what I want. So, it is time to refocus and do what I do best: figure out how to get to where I want to be. I am still afraid but maybe— just maybe— that’s a good thing.

There is a lot that happens behind the scenes in a University town. Often, there are small subcultures that are formed purely from the shifting movements of students and faculty. These people move back and forth, silent and unseen, but they often form an important part of what makes a town like Iowa City run so smoothly. Today, I watched one of these people in action, an appliance and furniture hunter who was looking through dumpsters for student cast-offs.

It’s actually a really good idea. Every year, as the Spring semester comes to a close, thousands of students pack up and head home or head out into the world to seek their fortune. In either case, they are often unable or unwilling to take everything they had with them. What this means is that an incredible amount of valuable and high quality furniture and appliances are simply discarded on the side of the road, near dumpsters, and all across the city. This is especially true where I live. Many of the students here are foreign nationals who plan to returning to their own countries. It’s impossible to take these items on a plane. Early on, we will see flyers for sales but eventually the left over items are simply left discarded and abandoned to the trash heap.

This is exactly what Courtney and I were doing. We’re in the process of moving and our couch is too old and too big. We had no place for it, so we set about lugging that heavy monstrosity to its appointed place near the dumpster. We made it down the stairs and were resting while mourning how far away our final destination still was when what appeared to be a moving van drove by. It was yellow and the lettering on the side was faded and worn and it circled the lot slowly, then stopped in front of us. A pleasant man with a few white hairs still ringing his balding head opened the door and and asked us if we were going to throw the couch away. We told him that we were and he asked if we would rather just have him take it off our hands. Essentially, he was offering to save us from a miserable journey with a couch that weighed more than any couch should. We readily agreed. He came over and inspected the couch carefully. His truck was already full of other finds: two couches, a painting, and an odd assortment of lamps. After his inspection of our old couch, he decided against keeping it but offered to drive it over for us. This alone made him my hero for the day.

He was experienced at what he did. He knew what to look for and he asked us if we knew anyone who was moving out this week. We didn’t and gave him our thanks as he left. As I thought about it, I realized that he probably saves the city millions in terms of discarded trash and waste. He takes these cast-offs and gives them a new life. He isn’t alone, either. Within an hour of our couch landing near the dumpster, it was gone. It had disappeared into another truck ready for another life.

I wish it and all those treasure seekers well.

It’s done.

In 2007, I went back to school. When I started, it was simply a means to get more skills in my current career. What it turned into was a journey. A journey that saw me leave the safety of my past behind and provided me with opportunities I never imagined I would have. As that journey ends, I am left all the richer for it.

It hasn’t been easy. I worked full-time while attending school full-time for three of those four years. In whatever time I had left, I volunteered, I worked on literary journals; I made my experience count because I knew how important it was. I was lucky, too. I had the support of incredible professors who pushed me, who gave me opportunities, and who made my experience all the more valuable. I appreciate that more than I can say.

Time and work wasn’t the only challenge. In 2008, Courtney and I were forced to move when the house we rented was wiped out when Cedar Rapids flooded. We lost a lot but, thanks to our family, we made it through. Throughout my college journey, Courtney and I have survived job losses, severe illnesses, a nearly broken ankle, and whole slew of challenges that made this journey anything but easy.

The truth is I didn’t do this alone. Courtney was always there. Our family was always there. Our friends, especially Meg and Steve, always checked in and did what they could to help. I wouldn’t have made it without them.

I met incredible students, had incredible instructors, and saw what a passion for language and teaching can really do in people’s lives. Those lessons move with me. They guide me as I look forward and plan the next course of my life. To be honest, I’m not even sure what that will be. Both Courtney and I find ourselves thrust in the middle of a chaotic situation. Events that have occurred over these past few weeks leave us wondering where to go next. All I know is that my studies and my pursuits are not over. I am just beginning my exploration and wherever it takes us next, I will take the lessons of these past four years with me. No matter what comes next, the journey— the sacrifice— was so very worth it!

Image Courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/lumaxart/

I’ve come to expect rejection as a writer. At this point, when I see that little form letter sitting there, in my inbox, informing me that my work has drowned with the rest of the slush, I can barely feel anything more than a vague sense of disappointment. There are even times when I consider these rejections as a necessary part of the process, a paying of the dues so-to-speak.

There are other times, though, where I submit a work that I believe to be— pretty much— a lock. Where I feel what the submission is really just a formality. That’s exactly how I felt last night when I kicked a piece out as part of a freelance bid. When I crashed last night, I was feeling pretty damn confident.

I got the rejection this afternoon. I’ll admit that this one stung a bit. It didn’t sting because I felt my work was judged or someone out there didn’t like what I wrote. It stung because I honestly expected to get it. I think that shook me. I wasn’t aiming for an agent or literary journal. This was just a small side gig to pull in some extra money. I was caught off-guard by the whole thing.

Am I disappointed? Sure. I’m not ready to give up, though. I’m not sure why my piece was dropped and, honestly, I don’t care. The chemistry wasn’t right and that’s enough for me. The last thing I want to do is try to be the type of writer I’m not. It just isn’t worth it.

So there you have it. A moment of experience from the front line. It can be rough and it does hurt from time to time but we get up and keep going. It’s really all we can do.

Good luck to everyone out there!

Ah the joys of Spring Break. The sun is shining and the days here in Iowa have been nothing short of gorgeous. Of course, some of us don’t get much down time. Courtney and I took a much needed long weekend, but I’m back to completing projects today. Time is ticking down and that clock is starting to sound a bit ominous. I feel a bit like Captain Hook.

I did do a couple things to improve my work-flow, though. I switched back to using Linux as my primary OS. Windows has a lot of great tools but I find I work faster and more efficiently under Linux. Simply put, I have a wider set of tools at my disposal and I can optimize the environment to my specific needs. I won’t go too far into my reasons here. Instead, I’ll post a couple of specific posts on Linux and how I use it over the next few weeks. Hopefully, it will be helpful to some and it falls in line with a couple of articles I am writing for another site that is in development.

With that clock ticking down, a lot of my attention has been focused on the next step. While grad school looms as a possibility in the future, the truth is that I am looking at my next foray into the workforce. I love academia. I love teaching and learning and I don’t think I could stop now if I tried. For right now, unless something totally unexpected occurs, that is going to have to be as a volunteer or for very specific classes.

I’m kind of looking forward to stepping back into the workplace again. I want to take what I have learned and apply it to different scenarios. I have the knowledge and I have years of technical practice behind me. What comes now is really combining my talents and abilities in different ways. When I first started using computers I do so as a communicator. I used them as tools of communication before I used them for any other use save video games. That is why I was such a Sun guy. I bought the idea that the network is the computer. Look at where it has brought us. Social media has exploded, people more connected than ever, communication is happening everywhere. In every second, thousands of stories whip past us on beams of light or in electric pulses that hum with a rapid rhythm that helps to beat out change on worldwide basis. I know it all seems like old news but there is still something really cool about what we have accomplished. It still thrills me.

Sure, it’s not perfect. There are a lot of issues to work out but that’s true of any technology. We’re still adapting and that is where I see opportunity now. No longer is this about the digital vs the real. It about the synergy between the real and the digital. If you want one reason why Facebook succeeds, it is because it understands that a real person carries his or her digital self beyond the the online space. It blurs that line until it doesn’t exist anymore. Obviously, I have my issues with this in some regard but this is where we are going. It is why tablets and smart phones are paving the way. People want to have their digital life infuse their real one. We as creators, as builders, as toolmakers, and maybe even as guides have to understand this and adapt.

I’m excited about that. I am excited about writing and creating in a totally new environment that keeps shifting at unimaginable speeds. It’s terrifying to be sure and I still haven’t found a door in, but it’s where I want to be as a writer and a creator.

So now I’m looking for options and even that is nervewracking but still kind of fun. In two months, we’ll see where those new possibilities take me. Keep your fingers crossed and if you have ideas feel free to let me know by clicking on the “contact me” icon next to my name!