Yes, I live. You can all be thankful! 
This has been a trying time, but as with all trying times, I have learned a few things about who and what I am.
Sometimes, I swing so far between pendulums that I lose focus of the fact that there is a middle ground.
That and I am possessed of too many dreams and not enough of time.
So I spent time prioritizing, and then— like some strange exhibitionist— I decided to post it. I’m posting this because many of my readers are friends with an active interest in my life, but also because I it speaks to how I think as a person and what I believe to have value. While personal, nothing here is that personal, and I welcome input on any of it from friend and casual reader alike.
The Store:
I have been dreaming about a book/game store for pretty much half my life. Of course, this store is merely a metaphor for connectivity, community, and independence. It took me almost as long to realize that. I love the idea and if the opportunity presents itself, I will jump at it. That said, there are many ways to accomplish some dreams. Most of all, I want to work for myself and maintain connection to a community of creative and active individuals. This is one of those rules in my life. A rule that’s been drilled into my head since I was a child. Things don’t matter; people do. It’s funny. The older I get, the truer this becomes.
Post-Grad:
This is the big one and, potentially, the most difficult. I would love to pursue a doctorate in Comparative Lit. at the University of Minnesota. Reading through the program was thrilling and, honestly, I want it so bad I can taste it. It can’t happen this year, though. I have 20 days to get everything in and, frankly, we are still in the process of moving. Even if we were settled, meeting that time frame would be nearly impossible. I am not sure if there is a way to really make this work. I am looking at it, though, and trying to figure out a way.
There is a low-residency MFA program through Goddard which I am considering as well. I like the fact that it requires both critical and creative work and requires a teaching practicum. I would be breaking the sacred rule of MFA programs (never pay), but in reality this would work out better financially than attending the MFA program at the University of Minnesota. This is partially a shame because I love the Minnesota program, but I need to do what works best for me in the long term. Of course, the deadline for Minnesota MFA program is in 5 days which is completely impossible.
The important thing to note here is that I refuse to give up on Post-Grad. When I went back, I said I would go through to a terminal degree and I will, no matter what. I owe myself that. What this really means is that I am looking at all options but the sooner I start a program, the better.
Technology:
I realized my error here and, ostensibly, I may still be making it. I love technology. I hate how most organizations implement and manage it. Now, I am still working for a large corporate machine in Minnesota, but I am back to working on and being paid to stay on the cutting edge of technology. Hell, it’s practically a part of my job title. I felt I was burning out and I was. I was burning out on corporate politics, on working on projects that were scrapped or never used, or even worse underfunded and still expected to meet impossible expectations. This wasn’t the technology’s fault. I don’t even really know who to blame because the same thing happened when I left the corporate world (I just got paid a lot less to deal with the same issues). I think it comes from a dysfunctional approach in how most people deal with technology. I can write pages on this and probably will at a later date. Suffice it to say, it’s a silly mistake to blame technology for the problems caused by those who use it.
The truth is, I believe in the power of technology to transform lives. I always have. Right now, we are in the midst of an ongoing battle to protect our evolving connected landscape from censorship in the name of capitalism. This is nothing new, but SOPA and its descendants must be fought not only with words, law, and protest, but with technology as well. Before my hiatus, I spoke a lot of Diaspora. They have had some struggles recently and my heart nearly broke with the news of Ilya’s passing. That said, the one thing that Diaspora has proven to me is that there are thousands, nay tens of thousands, of smart, eloquent and dedicated people who are willing to build the tech to protect against these incursions. This has not only renewed my interest and passion for technology, it has helped me focus it. I was anxious to get involved with Diaspora and was just starting to ramp up when everything collapsed in Iowa. As is evidenced by my complete silence, this shut me down hard. Now, things are starting to go the right way. I am going to get settled in Minnesota. Then I have some real decisions to make on where I spend my free time.
I am not running from technology anymore, though. I am going to embrace it as part of my final destination and a key to my creative and graduate work in whatever form that work takes.
So, there you have it. More lessons as the next chapter of my life steadily begins to take focus. Things are moving slowly but steadily and I am really getting excited for what comes next. I have a job that I think I am going to really like; school is on the horizon; and I will have a chance to write in a space that has always been good for me creatively.
All-in-all, It’s good to be moving in the right direction again.
